12 Wedding Tips to Cut Your Guest List in Half
You just got engaged!!! Congrats! Everyone and their mother has come out of the woodwork to congratulate you and ask you about your upcoming nuptials. Are you overwhelmed yet by all the people you barely talk to asking about the wedding?
Unfortunately weddings are events where everyone feels like they should be invited and feelings can easily be hurt when guest lists must be cut. However, your wedding budget depends on your wedding guest list matching your resources to pay for the wedding.
As a wedding planner in Memphis, Tennessee we have spent years working with various size budget and guest lists and know how to make it work. If you are struggling with guest list decisions, here are my wedding tips to help you create the perfect size guest list for your budget.
photo by shelby renee photo
1. Consider the costs
Break it down. There are fixed costs (DJ, Photographer, Venue) and there are variable costs (food, rentals, stationery) that must be covered by your wedding budget. The quickest way to save on a wedding is cut down the number of people to make the variable costs cheaper because will be paying for less people.
If 8 people fit at a table add up 1/8 of a table, 1/8 table cloth, 1/8 centerpiece, along with 1 chair, 1 plate, 1 set of silverware. 1 serving of food & cake, 3-4 drinks, programs, invitations, favors, etc. At the end of the day go through your list of people and if you aren't willing to spend that money on that person, they probably shouldn't be on your list. You can easily calculate the number it will add to your budget for each person so think about if you would spend that much on that person any other time of the year.
2. This is not the day to meet anyone
Sure your second cousin on your mom’s side that you’ve never met is lovely. But is your wedding the time when you really need to meet for the first time?
There are only so many hours in a wedding day. Normally about 2-3 hours of your wedding day are consumed with mingling with your wedding guests. There will be so many people who come to the wedding that you will hardly have time to see the ones that you want to catch up with, let alone meet new people. It is not the time to invite people that you or your S.O. have never met. Keep your guest list to people you know and love and have been with you through this whole process. If you haven’t met someone yet, remove them from your list.
3. This is not the time to rekindle relationships
Weddings bring people out of the shadows every single time. Suddenly your college or high school friends may start contacting you to see how you’ve been.
If you haven't spoken in 6 - 12 months previously and all of a sudden they want to hang out all the time they MAY just want an invite. Be wary of these friends. It might be genuine but it’s ok to give this type of reappearance the side-eye. It's great to rekindle the relationship so plan to go get coffee but don’t extend a wedding invite to someone who just wants to go to a party rather than celebrating with you.
4. You do not have to invite someone who invited you to their wedding
I might get dirty looks for this wedding guest list tip but you do not have to invite someone just because you went to their wedding. I promise you don’t!
Everyone's wedding is different and everyone has a different budget for their big day which means a certain guest count they must stick to for the budget! This means you can’t invite everyone and just because you went to someone’s wedding doesn’t make you close enough to return the favor. Some people may ask why they weren't invited, and it's simple...the budget didn't allow it. It’s generally well accepted to say you had to stick with immediate family and very close friends.
5. Coworker dilemma
Inviting coworkers to your wedding opens up a whole new can of worms and problems. Do you invite everyone? Just your close friends? No one at all?
This one is up to you. A few options to cut down this list are that you can say that you won't invite coworkers, you can say you will only invite coworkers you spend time with outside of work, you can invite coworkers but they must come in a group (no plus ones). You decide what works best for you and the group of your coworkers.
6. No Kids Allowed
Cutting our kids from your wedding guest list can save on your budget and sanity. The biggest pro to not allowing kids is that you won’t have to pay for extra place settings for kids that won’t appreciate the wedding anyway.
This is also one to be careful with because it can cause issues. Sometimes people will say that only children in the family or in the bridal party are invited, and children under 12 need to stay at home. Another alternative idea that works is to have a babysitter set up somewhere so the parents can enjoy themselves and the kids get their own separate party that doesn’t increase the guest list count or your budget (pay a couple of babysitters & order a few pizzas). Again, this is one that you need to decide what works best for you depending on the children in your life.
7. The Parent Invites
Customarily the parents of the bride and groom are allotted a certain amount of guests, especially if they are paying for a good chunk of the wedding. Be very upfront with how many guests you want overall and come to a happy medium as to how many your parents are allowed to invite. Being upfront can help eliminate most of the issues here but you may need to be firm on the number.
I will refer back to tips 2, 3 and 4. Do not let them invite the long lost cousin they want to rekindle a relationship with that invited your family to their wedding 10 years ago but otherwise have had no contact and you haven't ever really met other than the two minutes at their wedding 10 years ago.
8. Will they be fun to have there
Think about what you want your wedding day to be like. Do you think about words like fun? Friendship? Calm? The vibe of your wedding day will reflect the people you have invited to be part of it.
If you know a certain person will cause drama, complain about the monograms on the napkins, or trash talk the wrinkle they discovered at the hem of the tablecloth....just cross them off the list. You don't need negativity on the best day of your life!
If you know someone you are considering will get people on the dance floor and even though you haven't been able to talk in 6 months you would still love them there, keep them on the list! Guest contribute to your wedding day vibe so make sure the ones you invite bring the right contribution.
9. Sororities, Fraternities, Clubs, Churches & Groups
The groups of people you spend your life with are important to you. Many times you spent years with these groups. You may have been close at one time and loved spending time with them. But you don't have to invite everyone that participated in these activities with you.
If you are still close to someone from these bigger groups or haven't seen them in forever and want them there, OF COURSE, INVITE THEM. But don't feel obligated if you aren't able to if the budget or venue is too small to accommodate everyone, or even if you don't want to see someone you used to know.
10. Pick a number and stick to it!
If your budget can only accommodate 100 people, narrow your guest list down to 100 people. That’s it. Sometimes you have to have a hard number and stick to it no matter what.
I see a lot of people blow their budget by "just inviting a few more people" who then end up all coming and bringing extras. Also, do not just send out invitations to get gifts - this can backfire when you have more people show up. The 20 people you sent an invitation to that you knew would never come, and you only wanted a gift from them, they may surprise you. Be prepared to have everyone you invited to come, and even some you didn't invite. If you get back more regrets than you expected then you can go back on the list and invite some that didn't make the first cut but never assume people will or won’t come.
11. Rank your list
Put all of the people you could ever imagine at your wedding in an excel spreadsheet (props if you have a mailing list with all the addresses and can do this pretty easily).
Next, give them all numbers in order to rank them as “must-haves” to “would be ok” on the guest lists. 1, 2 & 3 (you can do more if you need to but I'm keeping it simple).
1's must be there. That is your bridal party, parents, siblings, best friends, and immediate family.
2's you would love to be there. This is your extended family and close friends.
3's you would like there but if worst came to worse they could go. This is coworkers, groups you're involved with, the EXTENDED family (that you only see at funerals), and friends you like but aren't super close.
Once you get everyone in a group and you know how many you can have you start eliminating from the bottom rankings. You start with group 3, if you have to work your way into group 2, and if you want something super intimate cut out a few from group 1. You'll cut it down in no time.
12. Don't worry about the toes
If I have learned anything from weddings, toes get stepped on without you even trying. People will get their feelings hurt even if you try your best to please everyone. I promise, it happens every time. So the best thing you can do is to not worry about others and focus on what YOU want for your wedding day.
To the best of your ability keep the peace but it is inevitable that someone will probably get their feelings hurt. Handle it with grace and let them know the decisions about your guest list reflect hard decisions you had to make. Make sure you have your reasoning for not inviting them, and move on with no guilt. You cannot make everyone happy and at the end of the day. YOU and your S.O. are the ones that matter on your big day!
