Who has what role & responsibilities? - Wedding Etiquette Crash Course
Who has what role & responsibilities?
Wedding Etiquette Crash Course
Photo by Mila Angela Photography
Disclaimer: While these are the etiquette traditions, we know not all couples are into the “traditional” thing, and not all couples are strictly a “bride and groom” so feel free to take these suggestions or do your own thing! All that matters is you do you on the big day!
So, a lot of the time, couples are wondering, “Who exactly is in charge of this?” And when it comes to your wedding, the only responsibility you may want is to say your I do’s and be done! However, this list is here to help, whether you’re the one getting married, you’re in the wedding party, or you’re footing the bill!
Photo left to right: Amber Rhodes-Lapoint Photography, Mary Kate Steele Photography, Elizabeth Hoard Photography
Bride & Groom/The Couple
Typically, the two of you get together to decide some of the big things for the wedding. After all, it is your day! Here’s an example of what some of those might look like:
Setting the wedding budget (and if someone else is paying, be sure to be mindful of that)
Picking the day, style, and venue for the big day
Deciding on a ceremony officiant
Coordinating invites, florals, photographer, etc. (or if you’ve got a planner/coordinator, they can help with this)
Shopping for wedding bands (you pay for your S.O.’s and vice versa)
Writing your wedding vows (if you’re doing custom vows)
Sending Thank You notes for all presents (engagement party, bridal shower, wedding day, ALL of the gift-giving events basically)
In addition to this, the couple will get together with their families to compile a guest list, but depending on the wedding size, this can sometimes be left to just the couple (especially if it’s on the smaller side).
You and your S.O. will also choose who you want in your wedding party (and what they’ll wear), which Thank You gifts to buy for them, and special gifts for each other on the wedding day. One of you will also handle the hotel blocks for the out-of-towners and handling the payment for the marriage license and officiant, or you can contribute equally!
Bride’s Parents
Traditionally, the responsibility for the wedding expenses would fall to the bride’s parents. Nowadays, however, couples may choose to pay for the wedding themselves, or they may get help from both of their parents. (There is no right or wrong way to go about this!)
Other duties may include hosting the engagement party, helping with the guest list, and offering other needed assistance with the wedding details.
As for separate responsibilities that each parent may hold, this varies on the day-of. The bride's mom is also in charge of choosing her wedding wear, and coordinating with the groom’s mother so the outfits are complementary. The bride's dad must be fitted for his wedding attire. At the ceremony, he’ll typically escort her down the aisle. He’s also in charge of settling outstanding bills with the day-of staff (like catering, parking attendants, etc.).
Maid/Matron of Honor
Usually, your maid of honor (or matron of honor) is your girl. The one who always has your back. Your number one. Your ride or die. She’s gonna be responsible for a LOT. We’ve all seen Bridesmaids, right?
Before the actual wedding, the MOH will plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party. She’s also there if the couple needs any sort of wedding-related errands or tasks!
On the big day, the MOH will help the bride get dressed and accompanies her to the ceremony. She typically signs the marriage license as the bride's witness arranges her veil and train during the ceremony, and holds her bouquet for her at the altar. Before the couple’s sendoff for the honeymoon, she helps the bride change and makes sure the dress and bouquet are safe until she gets back.
Photo by Camille Leigh Photography
Bridesmaids
Bridesmaids hold a special place in your heart, and your wedding. They’re there for moral and emotional support. They “ooh” and “ahh” at your big Cinderella moment of putting your dress on. They’re your squad.
Bridesmaid duties tend to differ, but overall, they’re there for any help you may need before the big day. The bridesmaids usually pay for their own wedding wear, unless it’s being gifted by the bride, but they often have to pay for their own way to the wedding if it’s out of town.
Bridesmaids primarily just walk in the processional and recessional. During the reception, they mostly just get to the party! Ain’t no party like a wedding party, right??
Flower Girl
Or we have seen flower guys, flower grandmas, flower good girls and boys (aka your fluffy friends). The flower girl has a pretty easy job, and it’s why we all aspired to be one as a little girl! She just has to look adorable and walks ahead of the bride, with a basket full of flower petals to throw down the aisle. Her financial obligations fall on her parents, who generally pay for her dress. The parents and flower girl are usually invited to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, especially since she needs to really get the hang of things before the big day.
Photo by Ashlea Marie Photography
Groom's Parents
It’s customary for the groom's parents to contact the bride's parents after the engagement, to give their congratulations but also fine-tune a few details! Depending on how many engagement parties you want (and who’s stopping you from having them ALL) they may host one after the bride's parents have already thrown theirs. As mentioned above, they can help the couple with the guest list and contribute monetarily to the wedding, if they choose. They do tend to host the rehearsal dinner before the wedding though!
Best Man
The best man, the groom’s favorite guy. He’s the one who probably knew your S.O. before you did. His hype man. His brother by blood or by choice.
Like the MOH, the best man shares some similar duties. The main role is organizing the bachelor party. He assists in picking up the groom's attire and orchestrates the toasts at the rehearsal dinner.
Day-of duties include getting the groom to the ceremony site on time (so let’s hope the groom picked a best man with amazing time management skills), getting the bride's ring, and signing the marriage license as the groom's witness after the ceremony. Afterward, he’s usually the one to kick off the toasts during the reception. Finally, he’s in charge of the getaway car being good to go, and he makes sure that the rented formalwear is safely returned.
Photo by The Hatches
Groomsmen/Ushers
The groomsmen. The boys. If you’ve got a squad, your groom’s got a crew.
Groomsmen (or ushers) don’t have to do too much before the wedding. They’re mostly day-of support. They do help the best man host the bachelor party and attend a fitting for the formalwear.
On the wedding day, they help greet and seat guests. They'll be standing beside the groom during the wedding, and usually stay to party down at the reception!
Much like bridesmaids, they pay for their suits, and are responsible for their fitting and picking up their attire from the shop. And if they have to travel, they’ve gotta cover that as well.
Ring Bearer
The ring bearer traditionally carries a pillow with the rings (or fake rings, just in case) down the aisle. The MOH and best man take the rings from the pillow (which may be tied on with a ribbon or bow) and give them to the couple. However, if you don’t want to entrust your expensive jewelry to a toddler we don’t blame you, we usually just give the best man or the officiant the rings for safe measures. Like the flower girl, the ring bearer’s parents pay for his attire and attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
While this is just a general guide, it’s by no means the be-all-end-all. Also, it’s totally up to you how much, or how little responsibility you want to hand out to your people. If you’re hoping for a more low-key shindig, you may not need all the bells and whistles. If you’ve got a wedding planner or coordinator, you’ve got some of that extra help to give your family and friends a bit of a break. No matter what you choose, it’s all about Y’ALL on your big day.
Co-authored by: Ariel Taranski
