Planning a wedding is a fine balance between showing your personality and making sure that you are avoiding common faux pas! There is a time to follow the rules and a time to throw them to the wind. We are giving you insight into 25 common etiquette blunders so that you can look like a wedding etiquette expert if you so choose (or break the rules if you want)!

1. Sending Stationery

The timing of your wedding stationary matters! Save-the-Dates should be sent out 8 months to 1 year prior to your wedding, while wedding invitations should be sent out at least 6 to 8 weeks prior to your wedding. If you are having a destination wedding, the invitations should be sent out 3 months prior to your wedding. Make sure the save-the-date and invitations are concise and clear when it comes to plus ones, RSVPs, dress code, and much more. Check out all of the stationery options at Minted, we love their beautiful options and they even address them for you FOR FREE!

Photo by Ashley Benham Photography — Photo by Mary Kate Steele

2. Oh the Places Your Guests will Go

Providing multiple options for affordable and convenient accommodations for any out-of-town guests is a thoughtful way to ensure your guests have an enjoyable stay. You can send a cute accommodation card with the invitation or you can put it on your wedding website to give guests all the details they need.

If the ceremony and reception space are at different locations, provide directions on a direction card and/or your website. If you are afraid people will lose them, hand out the direction cards at the ceremony location!

3. You've Got Mail

Please, please, please send a paper invite for wedding invitations and RSVP's. Save those e-vites for save-the-dates, showers, wedding updates, etc., if absolutely necessary. Most people still expect a physical invitation and many use those physical invites as a visual reminder and sometimes even a keepsake if they are close to the couple. While it’s tempting to cut your wedding budget and skip the paper invitations, this is one area we recommend sticking to the traditional method. You can cut costs and time by using sites like Minted that give you low cost but beautiful options that include addressing options for free.

Photo by The Hatches Wedding Photography

4. Wedding Registry

Wedding registries have gone through many changes over the last few years from local wedding registries to registries where people help you plan a honeymoon.

Spread the word digitally, on your website, or by word of mouth about your registries. Your wedding invitation is asking for a guest to attend the wedding - it isn't the place to add registry information. Add a separate card in your invitation about your wedding website or have family and friends spread the word about where you are registered.

5. Dolla, dolla bills y'all!

We get a ton of couples that have been together for years or because of certain circumstances, would love to solely get money in lieu of gifts. The best way to work around this with proper etiquette is to create a small registry for those people that really want to get you something. (Even if you have been together for years, there are still things you might need upgraded or you’ve been eyeing that you wouldn't buy for yourself.)

You can also create a honeyfund or something similar, as an option as well. This information would go on your wedding website or be spread by word of mouth again. Your invitation is suppose to solely be for the purpose of inviting your guests.

6. Cash Bar

If at all possible, avoid having a cash bar. When inviting a guest to a wedding, it is under the pretense that attending the wedding is not an expense for them, other than travel or transportation they may need. If this is not a feasible option, try to provide an open bar until a certain amount has been spent, so your guests are provided with a free drink or two. If this is the case, notify your guests on your website or by word of mouth so they can prepare.

7. Plan B

Mother nature has a mind of her own and despite your best intentions you can’t control the weather on your wedding day. I know you dreamed of an outdoor garden wedding, but you should have a rain plan just in case! It can be a tent, a family church, a separate part of the venue, or whatever works, but make sure that everyone can squeeze in if it was unplanned!

Photo by Amber Rhodes-Lapoint Photography

8. Giving Gifts

I could go on for days about thank you gifts. If someone spent money to be in your wedding or helped you pay for the wedding, it is customary to give them a gift - it doesn't have to be huge. Your gift can even be a nice print after you get your wedding pictures back, but a nice thank you card and a small thoughtful gift will mean the world. Sending a small thank you gift to those who helped make your wedding perfect is something you’ll never regret doing.

9. Bridesman and Groomswoman

Many people want to include their siblings, cousins, or friends that aren't the same gender as them, in their wedding party. If you are ditchin’ tradition and including a Bridesman and Groomswoman in your wedding party, help them coordinate accordingly. Sometimes a bridesman will have a different color tie or a groomswoman will have a dress that matches the groomsmen. This is a great way to include those close friends and family.

10. Specialty Tables

There are three types of specialty tables for the couple and their bridal party. Head tables are probably the most popular, but are slowly going out-of-style. At a head table, only the couple and their bridal party have a seat, so if anyone in the bridal party brings a date, they won't be sitting together. A king table seats the couple, the bridal party, their dates, and if anyone in the bridal party has kids, they can be seated with them as well. Then, there is a sweetheart table that is only for the couple.

Most people have opted for the king's table or a sweetheart table or a combination of both in recent years.

11. Furry Friends

Our animals are our babies! Including them in the wedding can be fun and it's always nice to have a few pictures with them. We love to see our couples include their pets and we’ve even written a post before sharing our best tips for including your dog at your wedding.

Just keep in mind, animals can be unpredictable when so many new people are around. Unless they have been trained in similar chaotic situations, you won't know how they will react and you also don't know how guests will react to them - if they are allergic, afraid, or if a small child doesn't know how to act around animals. Try to limit their time to just the couples portraits or a short part of the ceremony, then have someone take them back home. It’s better for your animals and guests.

12. Ushers

Ushers not only help escort guests to their seats, but they assist in evenly filling up the rows, especially in a crowded ceremony space. If the bride and groom don’t want extra ushers, the groomsmen can act as ushers. If a couple or single woman walks in, the usher will offer his left arm to the woman and the gentleman walks behind them to their seat. Having ushers at your wedding eliminates any awkward choices guests might have to make with seating especially if you have a unique setup or crowded space.

13. Ring Bearer & Flower Girls

Ringer bearers and flower girls typically are younger but there is no age limitation for ring bearers and flower girls. Some people have used their grandparents or older relatives in lieu of kids. Small children can be unpredictable, especially the younger they are and not everyone has young children in their life. So plan accordingly on which child you trust with what responsibility during the wedding and accept that the younger kids might provide unexpected - but cute - moments at the wedding.

14. Who should attend the rehearsal?

Everyone who is a part of the wedding processional and recessional: parents, grandparents, bridal party, officiant, ushers, readers, and the wedding planner. Anyone who will be participating directly in the actual wedding ceremony should be part of the rehearsal and the wedding planner should be their to guide everyone in their roles.

15. Who should be invited to the rehearsal dinner?

Everyone included in the rehearsal should obviously receive an invitation to the rehearsal dinner. Parents, grandparents, bridal party along with their spouses, the couples siblings and children who are not a part of the wedding, and out-of-town guests are all typically also including in the wedding rehearsal guest list.

16. What and when should I feed my guests?

What you feed your guests will depend on the time you select for your wedding. If your wedding reception falls in the late afternoon or early evening, you are expected to feed your guests a meal around dinner time. If you have an early morning or afternoon ceremony, you can generally get away with hor d'oeuvres or appetizers at the reception.

17. Do I feed the vendors?

It is in proper etiquette, and usually in their contracts, to feed your wedding vendors who have been working your wedding for at least 6 to 10 hours. You can double check contracts but it’s polite just to plan to feed all included vendors.

18. Unequal amount of bridesmaids and groomsmen

There is no need to stress if you have unequal numbers standing with you during your wedding. It is not required to have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen in your wedding party. There are ways to walk down the aisle if there are unequal numbers. Planners and photographers are creative enough to help you figure out a way to make any number of wedding party members work.

Photos by The Warmth Around You

19. Bad timing and different venue locations

Separate ceremony and venue locations are quite common especially with couples who want to have a church wedding but a fun reception space. If your ceremony is at a different location than your reception, you need to make sure to book the venue immediately following the ceremony. If that is not feasible, you should arrange for a cocktail moment and hors d’oeurves at a different space to tide your guests over until the reception space is available.

20. Receiving “Time”

Receiving lines after your ceremony are not always possible with your photography schedule or the number of guests you invite. It can cause congestion and take a long time, so in lieu of that, choose a receiving time during the reception to visit with guests. This allows you to more casually visit each table after dinner has been finished and chat with a group, instead of one at a time in a line.

21. Song choices

Choosing a DJ that will read the crowd and choose songs everyone will enjoy is key! Keep in mind, if you create a “must have” list for them, that there will be older and younger ears listening. Keep it clean and upbeat for everyone to enjoy! Decide before the wedding if there are songs you do not want played and if the DJ should take requests or not. Often requests will help guests get on the dance floor but it can also go in a direction you might not appreciate.

22. Hair & Makeup

The bride is not required to pay for the hair and makeup for her bridal party. But if they do choose to pay, it can be a nice addition to their bridesmaid gift.

23. Thank you notes

So much goes into pulling your day off. Try to sit down as soon as you are back from your honeymoon and send thank you notes. Try to get them all out 2 months after your wedding. Definitely write one for anyone that gave you a gift. But it is also thoughtful to send family and friends that pitched in, and even the vendors that helped, a sweet note of gratitude.

24. Tips & Reviews

Tipping your wedding vendors is a sweet way to show gratitude, even a gift card or small gift means the world to a vendor, but it is not expected. Many people decide to include tips in their wedding budget in anticipation of a job well done. Also, leaving a review for the vendors that went above and beyond is a great way to show your gratitude.

Many people spend the better part of a year going through the wedding planning process with you and would love to hear what you thought about the experience. If you had a negative experience with a vendor, send a quick email discussing your concerns and see if they can't be worked out before leaving a bad review.

25. Wedding rings

Your rings will see many hands on the day of your wedding so that pictures can be taken. Have one person in charge of making sure they are where they need to be about 30 minutes before the wedding. If the ring bearer is 13 years old or younger, it is best to give the responsibility to an adult in the wedding party. The officiant or best man is generally best; they have pockets.